SATIRE The recent deportation of French Lawyer William Bourdon has caused a stir in Malaysian political circles, with everyone cocking their ears, awaiting the next showdown, with the gathering of ominous dark clouds brewing into a giant storm.
Home Minister Hishammuddin Hussein came up with a statement that William Bourdon was deported due to a visa violation. “There are certain things tourists cannot do. I don’t know what it is, but one cannot give a speech. People get deported everyday, but people have selectively chosen this case to say that it is political,” he said, reiterating that there was not any political agenda in the deportation of French human rights lawyer.
Let's do a flip today. Let's take Hisham's word as good. Malaysians should stop speculating about the French lawyer's case. There is nothing suspicious about his deportation. Bourdon should know better than to make a speech. Speeches need a Police Permit and a Work Visa in this country. You cannot blame the government for deporting him.
Did Prime Minister Najib Razak once say he was afraid Bourdon might expose him in the Scorpenes-Altantuya cases? Exactly! So, why should we speculate? News about the Scorpene submarines kickbacks and the millions of ringgit in commissions are simply too far-fetched. Nobody does business like this, especially our Cabinet ministers in UMNO. They would never do it, that's for sure. They have been trained too well by our beloved former prime minister Dr Mahathir, whose Cekap Amanah Bersih slogan is still fresh in their minds. Anyway, what would a small-time lawyer know about French-made Scorpene stealth submarines?
Also, what is wrong for Perimekar to accept payment for a maintenance contract? Why question that Perimekar was set up just a short while before the submarines deal went through? Isn’t it normal for us to open a company, before we start doing business? Wny should anyone question whether it has any experience or know-how? This is the age of the outsource - Perimekar can subcontract the maintenance work to the Bangladeshi and Indonesian workers for a song and make a 99.9 per cent profit. Isn’t that good business acumen?
Even the Altantuya murder is quite a far-fetched plot. After an extensive search, no immigration records were found about her entering the country. Some said she was just an illegal immigrant unable to find work, and randomly picked Razak Baginda’s house to beg for alms before she got arrested. Someone even said she was a Mongolian Evelyn Salt terrorist that was trying to blow up the country. She unintentionally blew herself up while lighting a cigarette in the dark, forgetting she was carrying C4 in her other hand.
From war-submarine to illegal-migrant spy vessel
The Government’s decision to purchase the Scorpenes was a great decision. When the purchase was concluded way back in 2002, many countries immediately backed off from attempting an invasion of Malaysia.
But to the country’s dismay, the Scorpenes were found to be unsuitable for the shallow waters of the Straits of Malacca. Unable to perform optimally, the government decided to ship them off to Sabah, to guard the territorial waters of Sabah against illegal immigrants.
Operating a few feet below water, with its sophisticated periscope to scan Sabah waters, it can detect Illegal Boat people. With the press of a red button, it will shoot a torpedo in their direction to cause a big splash. Most illegal boat people will be too shocked to pedal towards Sabah and will U-turn immediately back to the Philippines and Indonesia.
If our navy runs out of torpedoes, even teargas or water cannons can be employed in the submarine’s arsenal. The deployment of the Scorpenes in Sabah will lower the immigrant population by a wide margin.
To counter the immediate security vacuum, the Defence Ministry now plans to acquire 10 naval patrol boats at a cost of only RM1 billion each, dirt cheap compared to the RM3.5 billion they paid for the second-hand Scorpenes. With the savings, they intend to purchase Eurofighter Typhoons to replace the fleet of 10 ageing MIG’s fighter jets. So Malaysia will be safe against any aggressive invasion from hostile countries like Singapore, Indonesia and Israel.
Mystery man who travelled with Baginda, Altantuya
Another far-fetched conspiracy theory that has emerged is that Bourdon was supposed to name the unidentified third person, who had travelled with Najib's buddy Razak Baginda and the late Altantuya Shaariibuu to Macau. Of course, we all know who that guy is, so why would the Home Ministry or Immigration Department want to make a fuss about it and draw attention all the way to those snooty US leaders in Washington by deporting Bourdon? Does it make sense?
To say that Bourdon was arrested is also completely untrue as they merely boarded the plane and detained him after the plane touched down at KLIA. It seems he abused his hospitality by refusing to sign his deportation papers written in the Malay language. How disrespectful of him is that? Now, that's a crime and if you don't believe us, askUtusan!
His schedule to speak at a fundraiser in Petaling Jaya and in Ipoh was a clear violation of his social visit pass. It doesn't matter it is not stated anywhere that he cannot do such a thing - as open his mouth and speak. The Malaysian government simply had no choice but to deport him. Seriously, we cannot have such gross violations as it may encourage millions more illegal French boat people to invade our shores in the hope of finding employment. Already, we have a big problem with Australia shipping all their illegal boat people to Malaysia.
So all this humbug about intriguing plots, involving stealth submarines, attractive secret Mongolian terrorists, high tech explosives like C4 and alleged commissions amounting to hundreds of millions ringgit is purely hogwash.
Mongolians…sorry, I meant Malaysians should avoid such far-fetched conspiracy plots and concentrate on the impending general election. At least for real is the biometric verification system for voters. A high tech 100% fool-proof and tamper-proof electronic gadget that by itself will exceed all the nine demands Bersih had insisted for a free and fair election. Or was it only eight?
Taken from Malaysian Chronicle
Taken from Malaysian Chronicle
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